Facebook "Friending" and Making Facebook Friends Real

How many of us remember the story of the Velveteen Rabbit? I never read the story when I was a kid, but someone gave me a copy some time ago, when I was going through a very hard time....

And a long time ago (or it seems that way) when I first started blogging, I wondered what it was with all these people who said they had made friends with other folks through their blogs....

It was then that I realized that some folks made casual acquaintances through their blogs, while other people made real and close friends through and with their blogs. Usually, the close friendships came from meeting other bloggers face-to-face.

That was the same thing that happened with groups of folks I knew from the NYT Film Forum. Our friendships were better once we met f2f as well....

Lately, I have received a number of "friend" requests on Facebook from people I don't know, but with whom I appear to have some common connections. Many of them I accept--in part because we have common friends, but also because these are interesting people who do not seem to pose any threat.

Although I do wonder about some of them, given how marketers are using Facebook as a "social marketing" tool. Individuals have businesses that they think I might be interested in hearing about, or they have books coming out and they think I might want to be part of their circle for promoting their books, or for any other reason that has nothing to do with knowing who I am as a person...

Basically, I am wondering if some of these people who are asking me to "friend" them are really interested in me in that capacity at some point--or am I only just someone for whom they believe should hear their "message" or get their book, or for some other reason that is connected mostly to marketing and less to knowing something about me...

Are some of us, then, just targets for "social" marketing on Facebook?

Now, I don't find social marketing all that annoying when someone invites me into a group, or even when an organization tries to "friend" me. In the case of organizations or products "friending" me, I know that this happens because, in Facebook, friend pages have better features than group pages, allow for more apps, and constitute another channel for people to find them.

But if someone's just asking to be my "friend" because they want to pitch me--well, I think of all those home-sales programs (you know the ones I'm talking about) where the reps always seem to want to be your friend, but only if you'll buy something from them. It's as if the friendship is conditional on the sale--which, outside of a retail establishment, this seems kind of strange. Retail gives that friend-sale thing something of a context: I see these people at "x" retailer because I like the product. We shoot the breeze because not only do I like the product, but they are people with whom I feel comfortable shooting the breeze. But if I am not in the retail atmosphere, and you're shooting the breeze with me because you want me to buy your product, and if I don't, then you turn away from me, I'm going to think you're a right phony....

So, here's an interesting little experiment: can I make someone who's a Facebook friend into a real friend? or at least someone who it might be nice to have a casual conversation with....and not because either of us wants something, or because it's some kind of professional thing...but just as two people...

Is this possible? or is it just another Internet illusion?

We'll see....

Update Jeff Jarvis has an interesting post on the ambient intimacy of Facebook and Twitter. I have to agree with Jeff that these two apps can help us keep in touch with people we don't see often, and even help us renew friendships with those that we might have lost for good if it weren't for them. But when someone out of the blue sends a "friend" request, can that new person become an actual friend? or is there another reason for the friending?